My Paramour: You know, I really appreciate that your husband is ok with me seeing you like this. I should send him a cake or something. What do you write on a cake like that??

Me: … “Thanks for the mammaries??”

My Paramour: *classic spit take*


Love and the Art of the Open Relationship

One of the writers of one of the blogs I read mentioned something about having an open relationship and how a surprising amount of the drama comes from outside of the relationship. The judgement of others when you choose, like my husband and I have, to allow each other the freedom to date while maintaining a committed relationship can be more destructive than anything else. People make assumptions about the state of your marriage, about your moral fiber, about your trustworthiness. I know most people in the Pagan community are not new or unfamiliar with poly or open relationships, but I felt the need to assert my opinions on the subject (it is my blog after all).

1. There is a difference between “open” and “poly”. Poly tends to imply that a couple is actively seeking partners, usually for something more long term. Open tends to imply that hey, if it happens, it happens. My husband and I are the latter. We aren’t actively “cruising” for partners, just open to the possibility if we happen to meet someone we are attracted to. If that relationship turns into something more long term, then we cross that bridge when we come to it.

2. There need to be ground rules in order for it to work. Our rule is that the spouse comes first, and we don’t spend the night without prior agreement.

3. This isn’t about being promiscuous. This is about being open to love, affection, and/or sex with someone we care about if the opportunity arises. Both my husband and I were big ol’ sluts in our youth, we got that out of our system early.

4. This has nothing to do with the health of my marriage or my love for my husband. I give the big guy a hard time, but he is my love, and I don’t ever want to be married to anyone else. There are parts of my heart that I may want to give to others, they may even be others out there that I could love in a major and epic way, but none of them could take his specific place in my life. I made that man a promise on our wedding day, and I intend on keeping it. Our marriage is actually quite healthy and we are still very much in love.

What it all boils down to in my book is this; love is rare. Love is magic. Love is everything. Love is the most powerful and important thing on earth. When you have the chance at love, be it physical, emotional, passionate, romantic, visceral, frivolous, platonic, or otherwise, you should seize it and explore it. Life is short, and the idea that we only have enough love in our lives for one person at a time baffles me. If monogamy works for you, do it. But if it doesn’t…

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